Some may blink at the date above. I am republishing this from 2/12/2008. I have edited it ONLY to remove two memes. The rest stands exactly as it was offered in 2008 when I was on LiveJournal. It has passed the test of time. I still believe this. It’s a struggle to live this way. I fail. But when I succeed? Oh. Yeah. Baby. It’s like one of those mind-blowing orgasms where you know everything is perfect in your world.
What is your truth? Ask your heart, your back, your bones, and your dreams. Listen to that truth with your whole body. Understand that this truth will destroy no one and that you’re too old to be sent to your room.
Move into your truth as though it were an old house. Walk through each room. See, hear, and feel what it is to live there. Try to love what you find, and remember the words that come to you as you explore.
If you embrace it, if you are faithful to it, your truth will reward you with unimaginable freedom and intimacy with yourself and others. You won’t land in a world made to order; some people in your life may not like what you write. But those who remain will be allies, people who breathe deeply and listen. It will feel good to be seen completely and loved as you are. As Natalie Goldberg said after her friend found and read a piece of work-in-progress that she had left out from the day’s writing, “I feel good because I don’t care that she sees how I really am. I’m glad. I want someone to know me.”
—John Lee from Writing from the Body, excerpted in Art as a Way of Life
Wow. That second paragraph moved me exponentially forward. As many of you know, I’ve referred to the last nearly two years as the Arwen Remodeling Project. This states clearly what I’ve been trying to do. Move into my truth. Not your truth or his truth or her truth or hys truth or anyone else’s truth. Just my own. Because that is all that is important. That I live my life as truthfully as possible to my own ideals. How freeing that thought is.
And that last paragraph is very important to me. I have lost people during this process. One of whom was a very dear friend who utterly surprised me by their response to my distress two years ago. I still miss hym very very much because we talked a lot. It’s hard to me to let that go because I see it as a failure on my part. But it isn’t really, is it. It’s a failure on theirs to accept me as I was and as I am growing to be. I know failure is a harsh word, but I need to say that so I can see it. It is not my fault. Perhaps weakness is better than failure. It was their weakness? I don’t know. It goes back to this whole concept of essence for me. Who does my essence attract and whose essence am I attracted to?
“I feel good because I don’t care how [someone] sees how I really am. I’m glad. I want someone to know me.” Even paraphrasing Natalie Goldberg is a most excellent YES THAT’S SO TRUE moment in my life. I want you to know me. This is how I do that. By writing and getting things out. And I have to realize that some will not be at a point in their lives where they are strong enough to know me. That’s ok. Namaste to them. I do wish them joy in their journey and if ever our essences cross and attract again, then welcome back.
Or perhaps we will see one another in another lifetime — in another flesh suit.
Today, in this moment, I feel good because I don’t care that you see how I really am. I’m glad. I want you to know me. Thanks Natalie. Good phrase.
I would change “I don’t care that you see how I really am” to “I am thrilled that you see how I really am” because that means if you want to be a part of my life, we will have no misunderstandings if you accept authentic me.
Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on. *This piece was about a year before I started using Seek Joy, Y’all as my motto.