Who Defines Me?

Adventure_2Swords002Today’s card is from one of my primary reading decks. I’m a bit of a serial Tarotist, you see. I get hooked into one deck for a long time, but then move on.

This deck is one I bought because I’d met the creator online. Can’t tell you where or how. I don’t remember. I’ve slept since then. πŸ˜€ But I never thought I’d read with this deck.

It was a CARTOON deck, after all. SNIFF. SNIFF.

Yeah. About that? This is a ddeck taht immediately worked for me. On all levels. It is one of the first decks that taught me suits can be called different things. I learned how to loosen up as a reader.

How you see me does not define me.

I woke up with that phrase in my mind. Then I pulled this card. I knew I was going to work with this deck this morning. I just didn’t know which card would come to hand.

Our Two of Blades is ready. She is can go into a offensive mode if necessary, but for this moment, she’s solidly in a waiting, defensive mode. She is blindfolded because she’s learned what she sees can distract her.

Think about your “Internet-only” friendships. Those people you’ve never met face-to-face. The ones so many claim “can’t be real friends because you’ve never met them.”

We meet one another in this medium without some distractions. Is that a good thing? Is that a bad thing?

Perhaps, my darlings, it’s just a thing. What we do with it is what counts.

For me, I’m more cautious now than I was when I first began my electronic journey. I still have friends from my first BBB. Grex.org for those who are curious. LOL

I do my best to be real, to be authentic, to be who I am in all my worlds–online, offline and dreamtime. That means sometimes I’m cranky. Sometimes I’m mean. Sometimes I’m emotional. It’s who I am.

Some see me as a one-note joy seeker and that’s okay.

How you see me does not define me.

Some see me as an egomaniacal bitch and that’s okay.

How you see me does not define me.

Hold on to that for yourself. You define you. Your opinion is the one that counts in this.

Two of Blades, Adventure Tarot, U.S. Games (OOP) (aff)

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on.

Wanna Come To Crazyville?

Housewives_11SwordsToday’s card reminds me that I often do things I know I should not be doing. It’s not as if I don’t know better. It’s as if I think I’m bullet-proof or that I can get away with it for just this one time. Like eating ice cream when I’ve worked to eliminate fat from my diet. Or running with scissors as our young Page of Swords does here.

This is the quirky and totally fun Housewives Tarot. This card represents those mental thoughts that we don’t quite have a handle on. Sometimes they run wild and hurt us or others. We create drama where there was none to create.

But what about when you are in a situation where a trusted friend turns into the Page of Swords? When someone you have always thought the best of suddenly goes straight off the rails into “cuckoo for cocoa puffs” territory?

How do you deal with that?

You can certainly shake your finger and admonish them to “Stop that” or to “Behave”. But does that do you any good?

I think not. I think it just makes me more involved in their crazy. I have to step out of my hula hoop into theirs to make them stop. And really, can I make anyone but myself stop?

All I can do is step away and isolate my interactions with them. I can monitor how I deal with them on a daily basis–if at all. Sometimes you have to. If they are someone I work with, I can’t turn my back on them. I have to offer them the same level of service as others.

What I can do is limit my energy interaction. I can throttle back my openness and create boundaries for me. I can make sure that when my erstwhile friend or co-worker, I am making sure my hula hoop stays as free and clear of their erratic behaviour as possible.

Is it fun to see someone I care about go off the deep end? Not even a little. Still, the person I must protect first is me. And to do that, I have to make sure my boundaries are tight.

One place that has helped me immensely in learning about how to maintain my own hula hoop is Leonie Dawson’s Amazing Biz + Life Academy. [aff] Come join me!

Your 180 second challenge is a two parter. The first is easy. Just think about those in your life who are inviting you to play in their crazy.

Now for the true challenge. Ask yourself this.

“Why am I RSVPing yes?”

I give you permission to decline those invitations. I assure you it is okay to say no to one more round of drama llama ding dong. Do it for you.

Seek joy, y’all. Limit your trips to other people’s Crazyville.

Page of Swords, Housewives Tarot, Quirk Books, 2004[aff]

What Are Your Signs?

TarotofDreams_4SwordsToday’s card reminds me of a phenomenon that often happens when I read for multiple people. Tuesday night I worked a launch party for a liquor brand. They had a Ghosts & Devils theme so we were asked to dress up as Romany aka gipsy readers.

Over and over, I saw the same cards but the one that showed up the most was the Four of Swords. Seemed that a lot of the people in front of me were burning the candle at both ends. Of course they were all young enough to look slightly abashed when I told them the year I started reading. Most of them hadn’t even been born yet.

But, as always, that card had meaning for me as well. I had gotten up at 5am then worked a full 8 hours to come home just in time to pack and shower for this gig. Then I was there from 7:30 until 11:30. I did not get up from my table from 7:45 until 11:15. Kid you not.

I finally had to disappoint a few folk but just declaring that I was cooked. I got home in time to say hello to Wednesday as I fell into bed about 12:30.

Then I was back up at 5 to work again. Now it is 8:30pm as I write this. I’m posting this then guess what I’m going to do? Yep, you betcha! Bedtime. Maybe a tangle but bed is the most important thing on my agenda right now.

For your 180 second challenge today, what are your warning signs that you are overloading your system? How do you know when you need to schedule a serious time out?

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on!

Four of Swords, Tarot of Dreams, Ciro Marchetti

 

What Swords Do You Carry?

8_swordsToday’s card reminds me that I can change my mind. I am not limited to or locked in by what I think. I don’t have to be blinded by my thoughts, you see. The Eight of wands in many decks shows someone blindfolded while walking through a field of swords. Dangerous, that. One really should watch where one is going when one is navigating a “mind”field of sharp pointy things. This is one of the reasons I’m always on about seeking joy, y’all. My personal “mind”field is full of negativity and harsh thoughts–about myself and others. I have to watch the people I allow into my world–too much negativity and they must be moved to an outer ring. That’s how I control my joy hula hoop. I don’t let them in if they are going to suck my joy dry.

Lately I’ve been moving to a focus on the outer me now that I’m happier with the inner me. I LOATHE dieting. I LOATHE the focus on dieting. However, I loathe more the fact that my back is in constant pain. A few things have happened recently that have brought this to the forefront for me. The first was seeing one of my cousins. Last time I saw her (nearly a year to the day), she was a stocky woman showing off our shared German heritage of stocky womanness. This time she was about 1/3 of herself. All she did was eliminate two things from her diet. Sugar and the much-maligned gluten. Yes, it completely changed how she eats but, damn, she looked so good. Not her weight loss. Her energy. Her smile. Same German heritage–just less of it.

Then my best friend told me, yet again, that she would be doing this challenge thing. She’s done it twice so far. So this time, I took the plunge. It’s a 24 Day Challenge where you drink their drinks and take their vitamins. I’m on day six today. It’s working. Period.

I’ve also been focused on walking 10,000 steps a day. I have hit that a time or two. What’s nice is that my weekly average has been going steadily up. Week before last I walked 21.1 miles for a personal best. Then last week (it runs Sunday to Saturday on my pedometer app on my phone) broke that record. The app I use is MOVES (may be iOS only…sorry Droid lovers) and it is free. It keeps me on track because I can see that at noon I’ve only walked 2200 steps so I need to …grin…step it up. But back to the personal best of 21.1 being broken.

You read me correctly. I broke my record. OH YES I DID. 22.5 miles walked. That’s 56,289 steps for 11:09 hours of walking. I’m averaging 8041.25 steps a day. And you know what? I’ve found that walking is something I really enjoy. I hear/see birds. I sometimes visit with other walkers. I love seeing if I can walk just one block more. I take pictures too. And then there are some other bonuses.

Some of those benefits I’ve learned (yes, I’ve read them but never believed them) are that I am far less cranky when I walk. The more I walk, the better I feel. My feet are hurting less (bonus) but it still takes me some doing to get motivated in the morning. I have some pretty impressive blisters too. Right now I’m back to walking in my Birks and switching to my tennis just so my feet have some changes. Oh. There is one other benefit.

I have lost five pounds doing this plus the Advocare 24 day challenge (started that on Wednesday). If you want to do it too, go here to get yours. It’s definitely challenging but it’s working so that’s a good point. The cleanse part isn’t so hard except I really miss dairy. LOL I had a tiny piece of farmer’s cheese that I put in this morning’s omelet. Had to make myself do that instead of the meal replacement shake. Those things are seriously tasty. I loved breakfast drinks as a kid. The chocolate mocha one tastes very similar to those.

One of the drawbacks is the fiber drink. OMG. Just drink it as fast as you can. It’s not NASSSSSSSSSSSTY but it is nasty. πŸ˜€ The Spark energy drink has truly done what it says. I am only doing one of those a day. It is tasty as well. I prefer the orange to the fruit punch.

It’s helping me change how I think about things. Food wise I’m eating more salads and focusing on more veggies at night. I’m lucky in that I adore things like cabbage which is very filling. All in all, the new healthy me is doing well. When I’m done with this challenge, I hope that I will have a new idea of how to eat better and control things like dairy and wheat. That’s really my goal. I don’t say diet because it’s not a diet per se. It’s more of a lifestyle/attitude adjustment for me. πŸ˜€ That’s why I picked the 8 of Swords. Sometimes thoughts are my worst enemies. I have to control them around food a lot. I have some “issues” around food.

A big one is an empty pantry. Anyone who knows me will tell you I hoard certain types of food. I can’t be without mustard, vinegar and pickles. Yes, I hear you laughing now but having them makes me feel secure. I could have no meat in the house and feel less anxious than when I know I’m down to my last bottle of mustard. It’s like a crisis for me. Same for Tabasco . Funny thing is, I don’t use any of them that much other than the vinegar. Right? Laugh all you want!

Do you have certain foods that have to be in your house? What are they? Or is that not one of your hangups? I think, for me, I will need to remove my blindfold in this particular “mind”field so I can examine it a bit more.

Still, feeling the loosening of clothes? Oh yeah…priceless. I don’t think I’d be seeing these results if I weren’t doing the walking of course. But I haven’t had anything to drink that hasn’t been water. The diet sodas, so I hear, actually work against a healthy life style. No sugar AT all. That’s been super hard. The strawberries with Stevia last night went a long way to helping that sweet tooth issue. Truly that’s my weakness. πŸ˜€ So I’m going to the store today to get more fruit. I’ve polished off the quarter watermelon I got on Tuesday. Strawberries are gone. So more fruit to curb Arwen’s sweet tooth. πŸ˜€

And more work on my thoughts around food and need. πŸ˜€

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on.

8 of Swords, World Spirit Tarot, U.S. Games

Links in this may be affiliate links.

Who’s Telling The Truth?

Paulina_2SwordsToday’s card reminds me that there are two sides (at least) to every tale. In fact, I would propose that there are three. Mine, yours and the truth.

Now I’m not saying that you or I are lying. I’m not saying that at all. It’s more that we each bring our own truth to story telling. What I see and interpret is influenced, guided, filtered by my life experiences. Same for you.

I might see someone cut someone else off in traffic and think, “What a jerk. They are rude and have no manners.” You might see them and think, “Wow, they must be late for work.”

And the truth might be something completely different.

We are all influenced by everything that occurs in our life. Even our choice to avoid things that might influence, influences.

What I am saying is that we can’t ever be completely “clean” of life.

And that, I think, is a very good thing. That way we can bring our life events in to help us grapple with things large and small.

Back to the traffic incident. I could also stop, breathe, and then say, “Maybe they were unaware of how close that other car was. Maybe they have a sick child and are rushing to the hospital.”

I don’t HAVE TO go to the bad every time.

I don’t HAVE TO assume the worst.

Did you know that’s a documented human response? The assuming the worst?

It’s part of the “fight or flight” animal instinct in all of us. Scientists say that is why we look for the worst in a situation. It’s in order to keep ourselves safe.

I am challenging myself today to not assume the worst. Particularly after Monday, when my “they’re all jerks” is in high reactive mode, I must fight to get back to a more joyful outlook.

It ain’t easy, kids. It ain’t easy.

But I have faith that I can do it. Just like I have faith that I can continue toward my goal of 10k steps a day. I’m now averaging over 5k a day so that 10k isn’t that far away.

Neither is my joy-seeker outlook. I know I left it here somewhere.

I’ll go rummage around in my mental pockets. You do the same.

Let’s meet back here tomorrow to check in on how we did today.

Two of Swords, Paulina Tarot, USGames

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on.

P.S. Please check out this Kickstarter. It’s a cool glass artist who is a personal friend of mine. I’ve backed many Kickstarter projects. The more airtime they get, the better they do. I’d appreciate if you would share this link as well. What goes around comes around,darlings!

Yes, I’m going to mention this a lot in the next 25 days.
No, I don’t make a dime from this.
Yes, I know it may seem obnoxious but I’m trusting y’all to understand I do this for my love of my friend and my pride in his work. MUAH!

Who Challenges You The Most?

ArrowQueen1Today’s card reminds me that I learn a lot of stuff on a daily basis. Sometimes I worry that I forget it just about as fast. And it is a piece of the Queen of Swords or the Arrow Queen as depicted in the Incidental Tarot.Β I’ll tell you a story about an amazing, if annoying, woman who was a major factor in my life.

My grandmother, Lucile aka Grannilu, scared the bejesus out of me. She was a high school English teacher who graded (and returned) letters from her grandchildren. If you did well, you got money (five buck for an A). If you did not do well, you were guaranteed red pen and comments.

And don’t think you could get away with not writing to her. That indiscretion garnered a letter to your parent that detailed her displeasure.

Now don’t get me wrong. Grannilu was no despot. She loved us all very very much. She was, I suppose, a Texas version of a Tiger mom. Her love was fierce and unyielding but so were her expectations.

When I think of her, I am reminded of the battle between Snow White and her stepmother. Did you know that it wasn’t her heart the Queen wanted in the original story? It was her lung. They couldn’t share the same air. Classic battle between mother and daughter–one for the room to grow, the other for the refusal to grow old. You can see my spread on this battle in my

I remember her testing me once. I didn’t know what it was for but I remember her handing me a Reader’s Digest. I was told to read a certain page. The instructions were to read and start over should I finish before she called time. I did as she asked but remember wondering why my mother looked a bit funny.

When Grannilu finally called time, she asked me how I had done. I told her how many times I’d read it (eight and a half if I remember correctly). She told me that was impossible. I vehemently told her I had. When she told me I had to be lying, I recited nearly word for word the information I’d just read.

My grandmother, never one to apologize, looked at my mother and said, “Well apparently she doesn’t need the Evelyn Wood course.” Then she looked at me knowingly.

“We will expect more from you.”

The Queen of Swords never had a better example than Lucile. She did expect more of me. Another conversation revolved around the correct usage of forte`. Did you know it is pronounced “for tay” only when you are using it in reference to music? According to Grannilu, “fort” is how you pronounce “forte`” when speaking of anything else.

Yes, I looked it up. I was about sixteen at the time. She was, of course, right.

She taught herself Esperanto just to keep her mind active.

When she became lost to us to the ravages of Alzheimer’s, I cried harder than when she actually died. It was hard for me to acknowledge that the fearsome woman was gone. In her place was a lost little woman.

Now that I am hitting that age where my grandmother first became real in my life (my mother was a late-in-life surprise), I begin to understand why Grannilu was so adamant about her word games and languages. It kept her mind active.

Every time I forget a word, I wonder if I am going to wander down that road like she did. That, more than just about anything else in this world, terrifies me.

So, because it scares me, I have begun to do the NY Times crossword puzzles–like my Grannilu. I have a language series from Rosetta so I can learn a new language–like my Grannilu. I do WordsWithFriends obsessively–I’m sure Grannilu would have loved having that app if there had been smartphones when she was alive.

Lucile, born in 1905, wouldn’t have been a technophobe. I know she would have dived into technology like any self-respecting Queen of Swords.

So your challenge is to think of a challenging family member. Someone who causes your back to go up when they speak your name.

Now think of three positive things about them–either ways you have grown stronger or ways they have caused you to improve.

Share it here if you like. I’d love to hear about it.

I’d like to also ask you a favor. Go to check this project out. If you love it as much as I do, pledge to support it. The way this works is you pledge a certain level. You pay IF the project gets funded. This is a small funding request (under 4K) for someone who is precious to me. I trust him to deliver. You just pick the level you are comfortable with then register. You will have to put in payment information. Personally, I use my Amazon account so my payment information is already there. I’ve done several Kickstarter and Indiegogo projects.

And, if you can’t contribute, would you please share that link? Tweet it. G+ it. Facebook it. Tumblr it. Whatever. Help get the word out, please. He needs a kiln to bring his art to life. Help me help Holden. Thank you so much.

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on.

The Arrow Queen, Incidental Tarot, Holly DeFount, 2012

What Can I Drop?

MaryEl_7Swords001Today’s card is a reminder that sometimes we are fighting the wrong battle. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t fight. Not at all.

I believe in standing up for what is right for me. I believe in telling someone to not send me hateful, racist jokes. I believe in telling someone not to waste their time baking me a coconut raspberry cake. I believe in shouting at someone for kicking their dog.

But I also believe that my joy is founded on two things. One is my “Eschew Hate” motto while the second is my “Bloom Where You Are Planted” slogan.

Does that make me a Pollyanna Sunshine? Probably and I’m more than happy to hold on to that name. I’ve earned it.

This weekend I had an opportunity to be kind where I could have been catty. I took the opening given to send love instead of nastiness or even worse–nothing.

I stood my ground but I stood it the way I wanted to stand it. Firm and positive.

This crow seems to be a bit tied up. The albino snake (looks like a corn snake to me) is definitely in the winning position. The crow’s sharp beak could easily pierce the snake’s skin to escape.

But instead, he’s holding on to the gem.

Why? Why hold on to that when letting go of it would free him from the coils?

Why indeed.

Why do we hold on to the “I’m right. You’re wrong.” when letting go of it releases that other person from our world? If we have nothing to prove to them, why don’t we just let them go?

For your 180 seconds today, I’m asking you to let go of someone. You know who I mean. That person who is no longer your friend. That person who you still check in on virtually or via friends just so you can rub salt in your own wound.

Three minutes. Let them go. Free yourself.

Seven of Swords, Mary-El Tarot, Schiffer Press, 2012

I forget to announce the winner of the $10 Gift Card!

Vanessa Terrell! You win.

And Linda Ursin, you win the fifteen minute reading!

Rumi, Goals + Steps

Will I achieve all my goals this year? Well, most likely not but I will achieve far more of them this time than last year. That’s a definite.

Rumi_12SwordsToday’s card is from a deck I just adore. There’s a part of me that yearns to relive my life that I must have lived in the Orient. I am so drawn to all things of this nature. I don’t know what it is.

Do you have a place that does that? A time or area of history that just calls to you? I do. I have two. One is Elizabethan England (and I have a past life memory of that that is hysterical and SOOOO not what I expected!) The other is China. I’m not as sure of the era as I haven’t done work there.

Grin. I know one or two of you rolled your eyes at me just now. Past life? Really?

Yes, really.

But what I want to address in this post is the Knight of Swords energy. The Rumi quote

“May God give you prosperity: then you will have already achieved your aim.”

is a bit of strange one. What does our mental guy have to do with prosperity? Isn’t that the Knight of Coins purview? Well maybe it is, but then again if the Knight of Swords keeps his thoughts on his aim, he will gain more than even the most studious of Coin armored guys.

Why?

Because he can see where he is going. He is focused. He has aims. He has achievable steps to reach his goal. That’s something I’m seeing so much on blogs right now. Everyone is interested in telling you (selling you) their way of achieving goals. Hell, even I’m doing that with my constant mention of this which really is all that…

BUT

What is at the core of any of this–mine, hers, his, theirs, yours?

Your individual dedication to your individual goals. Have you written them down? Have you listed the steps you need to take to get them?

I have (because of that ) and one is already in the bag. Another from last year was put on the back burner because I didn’t think I could do it. I wasn’t convinced enough in my own aim to write it down with actionable steps. So it kind of floated into nothingness.

I have to put that back on my list. With steps to achieve that goal.

Will I achieve all my goals this year? Well, most likely not but I will achieve far more of them this time than last year. That’s a definite.

So what goals will you write down? How many steps will each take? Dream big, darlings. Dream big. I’ll be telling you soon about my first big goal that has come to be already. Promise.

Knight of Swords, Guide to the Rumi Tarot, Llewellyn, 2009

Seek joy, y’all. Pass it on.

Violence, Words & Intentions

It’s always a joke–except when I’m mad. Then there’s heat behind those violent words that I fling out at a driver who pissed me off. There’s unformed intention floating around my heart.

I rarely post twice on the same day but wanted to share this thought on violence with you.

Violent Words

A thought. We all have varying opinions on why our society is so much more violent these days.

Here’s mine.

Language.

The things we say embed themselves into our lives. Make impressions on our souls.

Do you ever say “I could just smack her” or “I’d like to punch him in the face”?

Do you use violent language without thinking twice?

I do.

I even jokingly tell my dog that I will beat her like a rug. Of course I’d never hit her. It’s just a joke, right?

It’s always a joke–except when I’m mad. Then there’s heat behind those violent words that I fling out at a driver who pissed me off. There’s unformed intention floating around my heart.

Would I do it if I had the chance? Of COURSE not.

But what is that saying about thoughts becoming intentions so make yours good ones?

I’m not saying that our society’s use of “one of these days, Alice, straight to the moon” is the root of all evil.

All I’m saying is that I am personally pledging to make 2013 (and the rest of 2012) a non-violent words year. Maybe I’m not the type to knife or shoot or run over another person, but who’s to say my words aren’t shoving, pushing, pointing me to that eventuality?

If you catch me using violent language, will you help me correct my course? I’d appreciate it.

P. to the S. If this were a Tarot card, it would be the Five of Swords. I took this picture in Laguna Beach, CA April 2012.

Seek Joy, Y’all. Please pass it on.

Suckies, Swords & Solutions

I sometimes beat myself up over reacting instead of acting. I do it a lot with close, personal relationships. More so, in fact, than with other types of relationships.

LeonieSuckiesToday’s card reminds me of a Tarot card fraught with anxiety and dread. When this one shows up, I tend to ask my client how much tail-chasing they’ve been doing.

Often we make our anxieties and worries far larger than they actually are. And it’s hard not to. But my sister sent me an email she gets. One of the things it said that really struck me was:

“We’re learning new ways to act and react and learning to listen is a good place to start.”

I sometimes beat myself up over reacting instead of acting. I do it a lot with close, personal relationships. More so, in fact, than with other types of relationships.

And a HUGE part of that is because I don’t listen. I’m often in my head SOLVING their problems. Oh that card? It’s the 9 of Swords.

Yeah.
Right.

This is a case of the Suckies striking for me. I get down on me. I feel bad about me. I shame myself for my reactions.

Leonie Dawson’s life planner had a page titled “What To Do When The Suckies Strike.” I laughed when I saw it, then immediately filled it out.

When my own anxieties and fears start taking on lives of their own, I’m going to refer to this list. I plan on making it my phone’s lock screen so that it is the first thing that I see when I access my phone. πŸ˜€

What are just two things you can do for when your own “life freakin’ SUCKS, y’all” moments hit you?

Write them down. Tuck them in your purse or your wallet or somewhere you can get to them easily.

THEN DO THEM.

There’s still time to get your copy of Leonie’s workbook. You can see my video review of the business version of this planner+workbook here.

Seek joy, y’all! Pass it on.