When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love. Marcus Aurelius
James Wells shared a reading that was designed to drill down the meaning of our Tarot practice to one phrase for each of five cards. I got a great deal out of that spread. One of the questions was about the spirit or essence of our practices. What Major Arcana offered insight into that.
I got the Lovers. My phrase was The spirit or essence of my practice is Love. Of course, me being the wordy girl that I am, I expanded on that. Part of what I said and have since expanded further was
By that I mean the sheer, unadulterated sense that I am Love and all those in my close circle are Love. We are each loveable just as we are.
This hit me pretty hard given a recent incident. Late one night, I was contacted by someone whom I know to be a faithful Christian. They know that I’m not a Christian and that I read Tarot. I’ve never read for them but a catastrophic family event led them to question their personal faith in God. They weren’t sure they believed in God at all due to a young family member committing suicide. In a nut shell, I was asked why God did what He did.
One of my answers that came from a visceral, emotional response was that God didn’t do this. I felt as if someone were speaking through me when I was writing my response to this person.
God is Love (capitalized) and He wasn’t the one to blame for the family member’s choice. I did do a reading for this friend. It spoke about pain and time and learning to love.
Then they asked me if I could speak to the other side. This rocked me to my core. I can but I normally don’t for a host of reasons (not the least of which is that I don’t have the hair for it [silly Whoopi Goldberg reference]. So I pulled a card to help me. The Lovers stared back at me.
The spirit of my Tarot consultation practice is Love.
I think I was glossing over that for myself when I got this card in James’ spread. But to see the Lovers as my essence felt like a 2×4. Okay. Okay. I get it already. My Tarot practice is about joy and love and helping others find the same. I had to help this person.
I did a reading aimed towards asking the family member who had crossed over if they would communicate. The information I got was confirmed (with tears and joy). They said it could only be that person due to some things I said from the reading. I think that I did help that person. I know I helped me.
I realized in that moment that God is more prevalent in my life than I knew/know. That the energy I call Universe is God. Is Goddess. Is you. Is me. Is it.
This is the WHOLE. ENTIRE. FREAKING. enchilada, y’all. Love really is all. And we deny it all the time. Even I pay lip service to it more often than not.
Consider the following (warning, Arwen is about to get preachy, y’all):
What do you think when someone tells you that you are loved? That you are loveable? That you are worthy of love? Do you smile and say thank you? Do you hug them? Or do you shrug it off? Do you offer some remark that denies your own worth?
I constantly hear my friends saying things like “Oh she’s so stupid” or “he’s a dumbass.” I have yet to find a way to really break the news to them that talking like this is not okay. Inevitably I am blown off with “but I’m just talking about myself.”
Insert really dazed and confused look here.
Really? REALLY? You are going to tell me it is okay to berate and belittle yourself? That it is a healthy attitude? Color me surprised. Actually color me not accepting that answer.
We owe it to ourselves to be our own best friends. In this world of backstabbing, backbiting, vicious gossip, who is the one person we can depend on no matter what?
For me, I would want to say it was my best friend, Cai. She rocks. I mean she is the earth to me. I can count on her to kick my butt when necessary but also to be my number one cheerleader. That’s a two-way street, by the way. But when it comes down to brass tacks, I have to be that for myself as well. Sure, I’ll have moments where I beat myself up. We all do. But when your moments stretch into self-deprecating stand-up routines?
It’s not funny.
It’s not enjoyable.
It is downright uncomfortable to listen to people do this to themselves.
Let me repeat this for you. No matter how you couch it. No matter how you decorate your self-slamming with humor. No matter how you phrase it.
It’s not funny.
And we do it so easily. A friend and I joke about that stupid person who lives with us. S/he is the one that forgets to pay the bills. So it’s not really us we are calling stupid right? WRONG. Oblique or not, it’s me I’m talking about. And not amount of hahahaing will pretty that up, y’all. You can’t slap a wig on a donkey and call it MeeMaw, you know?
So. If you, like me, are one of those who uses negative self-talk but thinks it’s okay because you are being funny about it, STOP IT.
Post a note where ever you can that just says, “STOP IT.” Start today.
P.S. When you say bad things are going to happen, you are creating space in your life for that to occur. Bad will happen but you don’t need to make room for it. Call it in. Open the door and stand back for it. Don’t invite bad into your life. Remember that you are worthy of love. You are love. Be that for yourself if only for thirty minutes a day. Keep at it. You’ll get used to it. I promise you are worth the effort.