What do you do when you are in such a foul funk that no amount of “happy happy joy joy” (Thanks Ren and Stimpy) can really correct your attitude?
Lately I’ve been in a funky mood. I have been seeking joy but sometimes I feel cranky and angry and just kinda gross if you must know the whole of it. After my joy spread, I meant to do that one for myself but my mood just tanked. I keep seeking joy and it helps, but what do you do when you have those days (sometimes in a row) where nothing is right and the whole world stinks–especially the people in it?
Well, I don’t know what YOU do. I pull cards focused on “What’s up with my mood?”
For this exercise I grabbed my Mystical Lenormand deck. Two reasons why I did that. One, it is one I am not familiar with so I can not force my meanings from it. Two, it was small and discreet. That second one is important because I pulled them at work to lay on my desk.
The cards I got were 16 (Stars), 13 (Child) and 19 (Tower). I’ll post what the book says about each then I follow with my own thoughts on each card. I really didn’t have any positions in mind. I was trying to utilize TheoGeer’s formula–or rather the Twitter Tarot readers’ formula.
Stars: Another card of luck! Depending on the questions asked, it indicates that a matter will succeed. It is the card of success. It also stands for intuition, spirituality, psychic powers and astrology.
Arwen says: What I noticed about this card was the cat and the telescope and the huge open window. The sky is a nighttime sky just FULL of stars. There’s also a small book that makes me think of a journal (HEY ARWEN–you haven’t been journalling have you?). On the table there is a globe and a compass…not a compass. One of those triangle map thingies…a sextant maybe?. What is intriguing about this globe is that there is what looks like a magnifying glass on this thin metal band circling the globe. The magnifying glass on the globe makes me think about focusing on where you are. You can gaze out at the stars all you want, kitty cat, but you really need to use the tools you were given if you want to really get anywhere. Sort of a “the stars are pretty but why not look at what is right beside you” feeling.
Child: This card symbolizes your own child. It stands for a new beginning, but it can express tha a matter is small or that a person has a childish, naive disposition. Furthermore, it can stand for children, teenagers, your daughter, your lady lover or a young woman.
Arwen says: I am just going to ignore how TRIVIALIZING that feels to see “lady lover” lumped in with all those young references to people.
No, I am not. GRRRR. That is just demeaning as all get out! I may strike that out of the book. LOL
Ok, here we see a blonde child in pantaloons and stripped socks and pointy (fool) shoes swinging outside. There is a schoolhouse in the background (might be a church). Several fairies are in this card as well. Also, a small white dog is leaping at her (or his) heels. Again, this card makes me thing of the fool. The child is playing and enjoying life…but shouldn’t he (or she) be in school?
Is this my own question? Am I approaching life in too naive a manner? Possibly. But my immediate response is–what’s wrong with that? Nothing really if I remember to be an adult where I need to be an adult. I know what this is in reference too. Part of my dark mood (HEY! I can have dark moods. I’m Irish–it’s in my blood to be dark and moody) is that I am lonely. I have such good friends but I don’t have time to see them. And when I do, I don’t.
See, one of my big dark secrets is that I have agoraphobia. It’s been a “clear and present danger” in my life since the early 80’s when it was first diagnosed. I spent the better part of 6 months not leaving my home except to go to places I knew and knew well. My friend Kate Sparrow knew me then as did my friend Cai. Both of them worried about me. I was also in a relationship that had turned very very very ugly. I was emotionally trapped which I translated into being physically trapped. So I did not leave the trailer except for work. If I went to the grocery store, I only went to the one I knew and I went at 2 or 3 in the morning. I would not go in to any restaurants but would go to a drive-through. Honestly the thing that broke me out of it was a committment I’d made to work at a Girl Scout camp that summer. I HAD to go. Luckily it was a camp I had worked at before. I was very emotionally dependent on my abuser and called her all the time from camp. Got in trouble for it too. Cai and I…I would say that was one of my worst times with her. She and I were not close during that time because I pushed her away–hard. I did not want to hurt anyone around me and I felt that I was at fault.
So this card for some reason makes me think of that time. I think because I was a pretty sunny girl before that time. But those five years really put a crimp in my joy, y’all.
Another thing I am reminded of in this card is my own fairy-chasing days. As a child at my grandmother’s in Harlingen, TX (E. Polk Avenue shout out!), I would spend hours upon hours trying to catch the fairies in her yard BEFORE they turned themselves into cottonwood seeds. Now I know what some of you are saying. “They were always cottonwood seeds.” But I disagree. I saw them dancing in their white tafetta dresses holding hands and circling in the air. It wasn’t until my chubby five year old hands closed on them that they poofed into fluffy white cottonwood seeds. That was joy for me then. And, if I allow it, it still is today. I can still see them dancing on the edges of my sight. I know if I can turn my head just fast enough, I will see them dancing there on the lawn.
Whoa. Tarot dump much, Arwen? I guess I am transforming this into a more personal journey with Tarot, eh? It’s all good.
Tower (19): The tower represents the authorities. It can also indicate isolation and loneliness. Sometimes, it is an indicator of a separation that is yet to come, or of a long life. Above all, it can stand for a peson in a leading position who has a lot of power or influence.
Arwen says: Of course the traditonal Tarot reader in me poked her little handkerchiefed head out. Shaking a long bony finger at me, she muttered, “The Tower…oh the Tower. That’s not good.”
HA! Take that you old Romany woman you! These are the Lenormand cards! They are…hey wait a minute…didn’t the Gypsies use these cards? Sigh. Well never mind then!
When I saw this card, I had that AHHH TOWER silent scream. Then I looked at it. A tower on one small piece of ground surrounded by endless sea is just slightly off-center through the window. (All of these cards are presented as though you are looking out a window or through a doorway.) And in the far background, there is land of some type. Of course there is no boat in the foreground but there might be one behind the tower. A woman is looking out of the tower. She is richly dressed with a crown. She is also smiling. But there are pterodactyls swooping all around. Five of them in fact. Are they guarding her or protecting her? There are two waves on the backside of the tower that look like horses to me.
The one thing that really really really bothers me about this card? The door. There is no way a grown person or even a child over about three could fit through that thing. Another thing about me? I’m claustrophobic. I love caves. I can’t go in them if they have any parts where I have to squeeze through or my head feels trapped for more than about five feet. If I can see the end, I’m good. Otherwise, not happening.
Isn’t it interesting that I would have agoraphobia (fear of open spaces technically) and claustrophobia (fear of closed spaces). Grin, it’s a wonder I got to 48, eh?
But what does this card mean for me? I fear it means I need to get my rear out of my self-built tower and get back into life for real. I have good friends online. I see my co-workers five out of seven. Yesterday is the second day I have ever gone to lunch with a co-worker from this place. Tomorrow will be the six month anniversary of my being here. And I have only had lunch twice? Yikes. I can say that is because it is shift work and we all have varying lunches, but I’ve never actually ASKED anyone. So bad me.
ANYWHO! I really think this combination is 1. Stop focusing too much on the stars. The here and now has plenty for you to get busy with. 2. Be a child as long as you are remembering your adult duties. 3. Get out of the tower. Fight through that social panic and interact with the living.
How about you? Do you ever get so stuck you want to scream for someone to come find you? Sort of like Stitch in “Lilo and Stitch” when he runs away. He then reads part of his favorite fairy tale “The Ugly Duckling” and screams, “I’m lost” just like the duckling. Unfortunately for Stitch, he is not found by his loving family of swans. He is found by the hunters who are after him.
So do you scream or do you get busy taking care of yourself?
And of course, right after I finished this post, I read my horoscopes from Tarot.com.
Saturday, May 16th, 2009 — Your two key planets, expansive Jupiter and nebulous Neptune are being stressed by solar winds today, creating intense displays in your imagination. It’s as if you have your own private light show that illuminates your future in a way you’ve never seen before. Your expectations are high, but don’t assume you’ll win the lottery if you haven’t bought a ticket. You still need to apply yourself if you are to succeed.
Thanks, Universe. Snort. I’ll go buy a lottery ticket on my lunch break.