Blossoms, Memories & Letting Go

Now I have to make that next step and stop worrying about her. Stop caring that she appears to be committing some type of public social Hari-Kari ritual. I won’t be a part of her crazy any more.

As I dressed for work today, I put on what I call Romany Reader Rags. Basically I put on the costume of what folks tend to expect a Tarot psychic to look like. I put on my black wrap dress then added a pink pashmini shawl around my waist, a purple crochet long vest, an Indian scarf for my hair and a huge squash blossom necklace. Very Hollywood and certainly a far cry from authentic.

As I moved into the day, my thoughts turned to my ancestors and my loved ones. It’s hard to make time to do the honoring that I want to do when I am doing readings this morning, working eight hours then working another 3-4 doing readings at a bar for their Halloween fun. When I come home, I have to do my monthly Tarotscopes before I can even consider going to sleep.

Then it hit me. I’m honoring quite a few of them with what I’m wearing. My beautiful squash blossom necklace was my mother’s. The story behind it is that her boss was driving through New Mexico or Arizona and bought it for her. Apparently it caused quite a stink with his wife who thought it was an extravagant gift for a secretary. Mama was a woman who inspired extravagance but she was not sleeping with her boss. 😀 So I wear this today in honor of a gorgeous, loving woman I was fortunate enough to call Mama.

My purple crochet vest was created by a woman I loved. When she passed, I cried. Her husband has sent me several things that were hers and I treasure them. This vest is one that I bought from her at Dragonfest so many moons ago. It is one of my favorite articles of clothing. It’s toasty warm and very chic! I now also have the pattern she used to create it, thanks to Alyn. Elspeth Sapphire, you were a priestess and you were my friend. Blessed be, Lady.

My Indian scarf was formerly the adornment of a beautiful soul I knew as SweetCali. Her love of strawberries and chocolate and shoes was legendary. I never met her. I only knew her online via chat and posting in a mutual forums. I’ve met her partner in person and he’s a funny rascal for sure. So I wear my scarf on my head to honor the bonds shared with a woman who was always kind to me.

I realize this mobile Samhain dumb supper is not traditional but then again, I’m not the most traditional witch in the village. I will carry my love for these and others as I move through this day. It is, for me, the most sacred because it honors not only my loved ones but also the ancestors who made it possible for me to be here.

I also will remember my sweet babies. Carmen 9/11/2010. Quigley 11/2009. And so many others furred and feathered who have colored my life with such sweet joy that letting them go caused incredible grief. I would trade the grief for the joy again even knowing that the grief will come again. It’s the balance. It’s the cycle. It is, quite simply, life.

Joanna Powell Colbert shared a spread she designed based on her Elder of Fire. I wanted to share it with you as well as my reading for myself.

Gaian Tarot Elder of Fire

Elder of Fire: A Spread for All Hallow’s Eve

Gaze into the eyes of the Elder of Fire . . .

 4     5               

    3

1     2

1. Offering: What or who is dead or dying, that you need to honor?

Gaian Tarot Three of EarthMy initial thought was a particular social interaction within my community. Something I thought to be here and to be real has proven not to be. I need to honor my belief and my feelings of hurt. I’ve been simply walking away from them and avoiding them in a fairly typical Pisces way. Sadly one person I truly thought was real has proven to be more false than fool’s gold. Her shiny flakes off and her meanness shines through. It still makes me incredibly sad because I truly believe people to be as good as I wish them to be. Like I have some magic power to bring the best out. This did not prove to be true with this person. I got burned not once but twice by her.

I also see this as my own personal challenge with my new diagnosis of Diabetes II. I’m letting go of a lot of things around food–which is a personal addiction. So I can see this from both sides.

2. Challenge: What task does the Elder of Fire ask of you?

I guess this goes back to community as well. I need to push out a bit. Stand on my own two legs to become part of this world. There are ways I can do that that I am, again, avoiding. This is a call to reconnect to my place in nature.

If I tie it to my personal health, then it’s a call to continue my new path and my new growth.

3. Center: Where do you find your center of power?

Gaian Tarot Two WaterAh, l’amour. My joy that I find in being one on one with my animals, my clients, my friends. I’m not the biggest party animal in the world. I love hanging out with my friends, but there are times when I need it to be more intimate, more soul-connected. And the waterfall is my constant reminder that I am a water baby. She is laughing with sheer delight as her canine friend tries to get in one more quick kiss. I see this as joy found.

4. Opening: What new sweetness is wafting in on the scent of burning herbs?

Gaian Tarot Ten EarthVanna, can I have another Earth card, please? LOL Completion. Cycles. New growth started and taking hold. I am the new growth. I am the figure in the middle. I am the canine leading the way. This sweetness is my reminder that even in the sadness, there are cycles happening. Things happen for a reason. People leave our lives by their choice or ours–and it’s for a reason. I’m blessed with so many good folks in my life. I should allow this cycle to fully turn so the new growth has time to take root.

5. Wisdom: What secrets do the ancestors whisper to you this All Hallows Eve?

Gaian Tarot Explorer EarthI’m wearing my mother’s necklace today. This dark-haired girl could be my mother in her youth. She loved to dig in the dirt. She loved to plant. The deer in the background so mature and proud? I see him, strangely, as my stepfather. I didn’t have a bad relationship with Pa nor did I have a particularly close one. I loved him for making my mother happy and he was a consummate storyteller. I see him as watching over her and a message that they are together. The badger? Grin, well that’s none other than Grannilu–my stubborn Scot-German mother’s mother. We butted heads more often than not. My mother used to sigh and tell me that we were eerily alike. So here are three ancestors come to tell me that movement in my community is coming. That abundance is on the way. I am going to have to replant some things/goals but things are going to be okay.

With all that earth, I found this to be a very comforting reading. Nurturing in a way I didn’t expect. I’m very sad about that first card. I don’t let go of people very well because it feels like abandonment. I have issues around being abandoned so it stands to reason I wouldn’t want to do that to another human being.

And I’m hella forgiving in certain areas. You can mistreat me a lot and I’ll just let it roll, but you hurt my friends? You are dead to me. This woman? This former friend? She’s caused so much drama and pain and hurt that I have her blocked from my life as much as possible. Now I have to make that next step and stop worrying about her. Stop caring that she appears to be committing some type of public social Hari-Kari ritual. I won’t be a part of her crazy any more.

I do want to be a part of my new healthy. 🙂 Weight as of today is 241.  Goal is 150 so I can reverse this diabetes and get my BMI down out of the WII “You’re Obese!!” range. Hate that little cheerful voice! hahahaha!

Have a blessed Samhain season, my friends. May this new year bring you what you so richly deserve. Seek joy and remember to let it pile up. Love you. Me.

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