Beginning

NOTE FROM ARWEN 5/21/2011: The second line of this post CRACKED me up. It is painful to revisit these posts on one level and on another I feel like I am observing a completely different me. These are from my crazy years.

Julia, this is all your fault! I don’t know if I can reveal like others, but is worth a shot.

I think I am pregnant.

That one thought possesses my mind. I rub my belly and think/say “Healthy babies from my healthy body” at any given chance. I almost went into a trance in the bathroom at work today because I was so into talking to my baby.

I don’t know I am pregnant.

Like a tsetse fly that buzzes in and out of my mind. I swat at it in irritation. I avoid calling and making my dr’s appointment even though I have taken Friday off so I can go get a blood test.

5 negative EPT’s. 5. One had what might have been a line. 2 had sideways lines. The nice voice on the support line said “oh, that is just chemicals. It is negative.” Then she said in the same voice “oh that is just chemicals. It is positive”.

So my heart screams yes and my mind cautions careful careful… it hurts so bad when I find out that I am barren again.

Will this time be the time? Everyone thinks it is.
J. pulled two birth runes. JM got a yes on pendulum. Friends tell me they can see me with a baby.

Is it true or is it me projecting my desire on others?

sigh.
I want this baby. I want these babies.

Thanks for following and liking me!

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