SPREAD: Polyamory Spread (Adding A Partner To An Existing Relationship)

Three Of Cups (Rider Waite Smith Tarot)

I read for a wide variety of clientele. I have straight clients. I have queer clients. I have clients in traditional relationships. I have clients in non-traditional relationships. These can be Dominant/submissive relationships, polyamorous relationships, and more.

One unique problem in a poly relationship is the idea of adding someone to an established family. Whether that is a family of 2 or more, the addition of even one more will add to and take away from the dynamics of that group. I looked for a spread that might be used for this, but found none. Then someone asked a similar question on Aeclectic Tarot. So I dove in to design a spread to address this question of what do we need to do when we add someone.

What follows is the original post on AT with some editing.

Each person in this relationship has hopes and fears so those need to be addressed. Additionally, attention time needs to be included. And how will each person affect the other and vice versa. As you can see, we are getting into some complicated waters. Polyamory is a unique lifestyle that has its own set of unique problems. I have been in a polyamorous relationship but consider myself monogamous at this point in my life.

So… we actually have four relationships to consider. The wife, the husband, the new partner and the marriage of all three exist as separate entities that must be looked at..

This is about an existing male/female couple looking to add a third. In this situation, all three were going to be physically intimate. This is not always the case.

Let’s start with a triangle putting him at the top and each woman at the bottom corners. Now stick with me because this gets very involved (which goes without saying when you are working with a relationship like this.)

1. This is the card for the man. It represents him as he is right now.
2. This is the card for the existing female partner. It represents her as she is right now.
3. This is the card for the incoming female partner. It represents her as she is right now.
4. This is the card for the existing marriage. This is a very important card because any negativity shown here could indicate a marriage that is too weak to support an incoming partner.
5. His hopes for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
6. The existing female’s hopes for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
7. The incoming female’s hopes for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
8. His fears for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
9. The existing female’s fears for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
10. The incoming female’s fears for this change in the existing relationship are shown here.
11. This card reflects his relationship with the existing female partner.
12. This card reflects his relationship with the incoming female partner.
13. This card reflects the existing female partner’s relationship with him.
14. This card reflects the incoming female partner’s relationship with him.
15. This card reflects the existing female partner’s relationship with incoming female.
16. This card reflects the incoming female partner’s relationship with existing female.
17. This card shows his personal affect on the marriage as it stand.
18. This card shows the existing female’s personal affect on the marriage as it stand.
19. This card shows the incoming female’s personal affect on the marriage as it stand.
20. This card shows the worst possible outcome (because so many people want to know worst case scenario.)
21. This card shows the best possible outcome
22. This card points out the most likely direction of this new combination.

Notice that this is in the shape of an hourglass except for the direction card. This is because in an hourglass every grain of sand affects another.

This is a very involved spread. You need to keep track of everyone’s feelings and intentions in a poly relationship. Communication is the key. If possible, I’d do this spread with all parties present so you can facilitate a conversation about how everyone is feeling.

Some resources on Polyamory:

  1. Polyamory.Org
  2. Polyamory 101
  3. Queer Poly

Author: TarotByArwen

Arwen is a published romance author writing as Marilu Mann as well as author of non-fiction like the Fairy Tale Lenormand (art by Lisa Hunt). As past president of the American Tarot Association (2007-2014), Arwen worked with an actively engaged board to rekindle that organization. A professional joy seeker, Arwen helps her clients find their joy again in jobs, relationships and life. "Seek joy, y'all" is a motto known to many because of Arwen's heart-felt desire to help others.

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