Bees, Art and Envy

Fear.

Fear is such a funny beast, isn’t it? Causes us to do things we might not normally do like tear all our clothes off at a picnic because a bee flew in our sleeve. No I haven’t done that, but I have woken up approximately three counties worth of people with my screams at seeing a scorpion in my home.

Fear of not being enough can manifest, I think, as jealousy and envy of someone else. When we judge ourselves against anyone else, we may find ourselves lacking. I think this feeling of lacking comes from, in a weird way, admiration. We admire someone so much for something–let’s say art. I can’t draw stick figures that look like sticks, but my writing partner and best friend, Cai, is an amazing artist. She has a talent. So if I look at my artistic attempts and compare them to Cai’s, I’m going to find them, and me, lacking. And then, I might project that on to Cai and assume she finds my art (and me) lacking.

Then I am set up perfectly to start disliking Cai. After all, she thinks she’s better than me, right? I mean look at what I just said.

Oh wait.

I said it was ME projecting that on HER. well dang it.

Tongue out of cheek, I have run into this in my personal life. Someone telling people they didn’t like me for this reason or that. And when I examined it, I was very hurt because I really really admired that person. I thought they were this incredible human being.

Then I found out that they were jealous of me and expressing that fear of being less than me in some really negative (for me and for them) ways. It was a really odd thing for me to realize. That someone would be jealous of me. I truly laughed about that because I didn’t see then anything to be jealous of.

Now I realize that it was fear that they might be lacking in some areas where I don’t. I wish I could hold a mirror up for this person. I would show them all the things I admire about them. I would show them the joy I have for the person that they are.

Sadly, this may never happen due to some outside circumstances. But I wanted to offer this to y’all. Do you have jealous thoughts? Are you envious of another person because they have something–some quality you wish you did? How does that manifest in your world? Do you celebrate with joy the wonder of them? Or do you simmer with resentment that they have a talent you don’t?

Check yourself at the door. Listen to how you talk about others. Examine your thoughts. I would challenge you — if you do feel envious of someone, then try to find out why.

I mean honestly–we can’t all be artists, can we? Isn’t it okay for me to have lousy skills there and just to celebrate the talent that is in Cai?

I pulled a card from the Gaian Tarot for a focus on this topic. I got the Ace of Earth. What a great card for this. I also checked the Shadow card and found Bindweed sitting there.

The Ace of Earth shows a fawn laying in the sunlight against a tree. It’s very young. My impression is that it is waiting to get its legs under it so it can venture out. There is a fern unfurling in the right lower corner and raising all the way to the right top corner. For me, the Ace of Earth is about community beginnings and opportunities. This card tells me that it may be shaky at first, but I am growing in the right ways.

From the Gaian Tarot website (that link will also show you this card), I find:

Divinatory Meanings: The birth of new strength, grace and stability. Manifestation in the physical world. A strong bond between mother and children. The spiral path between the physical world and the Otherworld begins to unfold. Roots run deep.

Huh. New strength, grace and stability. I can live with that. 🙂

And

Bindweed as the Shadow card really makes sense. I see the birds sitting on the wire over the bound figure as community gossips. I have a really really REALLY big hate for gossip. It is something I really dislike and try to correct in myself. It’s hard for me to draw a line between common sharing of stories of friends and gossip.
For me, gossip is that line we cross when we start judging and criticizing and mocking someone else for being who they are. And I think a lot of gossip is “fear of others”-based. They are not like us so we must oust them from our group.

So what do you think?

Do you have a fear of not being enough that is manifesting as jealousy or envy? What are some ways you can address that?

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2 thoughts on “Bees, Art and Envy”

  1. Graceful, wise and easy to understand post on a topic so fraught with “crap” for most of us. Thanks for helping me see how my stuff is showing up — and helping me find another way to have compassion! Loved the cards too!

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