Conscious choice-maker. What a concept. I have long known, and preached, that we all have the ability to make choices. Also that we are responsible for those choices made. Even when the end results in something awful, we made a choice that got us there. Please understand, this is not an attempt to blame anyone for bad things happening to them. Other people make choices as well and those choices involve us sometimes very much against our will.
The Twos in the Tarot are about choices for me. And in the Major Arcana, there are several cards that speak of choices. Those are the Lovers, the Chariot, Justice and the Wheel of Fortune. There may be others, but those are the ones that come to mind easily.
When I see a two in a consultation, my immediate internal response is “what choice does my client need to focus on?” Sometimes, because I read on an intuitive basis, I will get hints of what this choice may be. The suit of the card will help guide that. Two of Cups can often indicate a relationship choice–time to deepen an existing partnership? Time to decide which person to date? Then the 2 of Swords may ask what battle are you fighting in your mind? Are you struggling with a hard decision? The 2 of Pentacles is how you choose to spend your physical energy–work? home? Do you have to balance two jobs? And last, and certainly not in order, you have the 2 of Wands which may ask where your focus is on things that make you passionate. Is it time to choose one over the other? Or is it time to choose to bring another thing to the table.
As I have said, I think we all make choices. It is by becoming involved on a conscious, aware, thinking level that we can alter certain patterns that we have taught ourselves.
Patterns? What do you mean by patterns, Arwen?
Consider how you wake up most mornings. What is the very first thing you do? For me, I roll over. Yep. That’s the very first thing that I do usually. That is to dislodge the cat who sleeps on me so that I can hit the snooze button on the alarm. Then I drag the covers back over my head.
I’ve done that pretty much the same every day for about sixteen years now. That’s how old that cat is. Now. Is that a bad pattern? No. Patterns are not inherently bad.
However, what about a pattern I finally broke a few years ago? The one where I dated individuals who wanted to control me. No, let’s rephrase that. Individuals I chose because they were controlling and I allowed that. That’s me making choices. The other way lays the blame on them. But you know what? If I hadn’t chosen to date them in the first place, I would have not been in situations where they controlled me.
So how do you recognize patterns and then start making choices to “generate actions that are evolutionary for you” as Deepak Chopra advises in that opening quote? What do you need to do to identify where you need to begin?
There are plenty of ways. Talk Therapy. Spiritual Counseling. Repetitively beating your head against a brick wall. I’m a Tarot consultant so I would say a tarot consultation would be another way. Not so sure about the third way in that list. Sounds painful.
Oh wait. It is painful. I did it for years and my own stubborn choices were the brick wall! For me, it was a combination of excruciating soul-searching fostered, amazingly enough, by the partner who I was in the process of breaking up with. She, like so many others, had decided that someone else suited her better (unless I was willing to be polyamorous…and I’m not.) I took two weeks off from work. I ran home to my sister who let me stay in her guest house for that time. I sobbed. I wrote. I laid cards out. I cried some more.
Now, I’m not a foolish woman. I already knew my patterns. I just thought I’d already broken them right? I mean she was going to be my last Happily Ever After. And once again, that wasn’t to be. Devastated doesn’t quite capture the tsunami my emotions took me through. But what the cards revealed–when I was willing to be brutally honest with myself–were patterns that were still in place.
Lots of twos showed up. And not just the emotional suits of Wands and Cups. I got battered from all sides as the Universe picked up a 4×8, hammered in a few nails, then went to town on my recalcitrant self. It’s been a few years since that time–nearly four to be exact. I have done some real work with myself. I’ve backslid. I’ve whined. I’ve been a bitch. But through it all, I kept slogging away at what I titled “The Arwen Remodeling Project.”
And I think, today, that I am finally through with that project. I am ready to let people in. And by that I mean more than friends. Time to show off my hard work. Time to “move that bus” that I’ve been keeping in front of my emotional self.
Time to make a conscious choice so I can start accepting that evolutionary change I started towards those four years ago. And if you are ready to explore your patterns and make different choices, I encourage you to do the hard work. Don’t shirk. Don’t fear the inevitable pain. Forgive yourself the backsliding. Realize you will lose friends who only want the old you. Realize you will make new ones. Be ready for amazing things.
And write that Deepak Chopra quote down where you can read it over and over again.
Time to drive your own Chariot and realize how you tug the reins guides your life. So stay aware and awake at that Wheel, darlings! I know you can become conscious choice-makers with me.